I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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