if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Who died my cat blue again?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
