OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
