this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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