I need help removing her.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
