I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
