Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
