remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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