Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
