I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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