I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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