Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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