and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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