I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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