Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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