i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
