Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I stole a fireplace last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
