i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize
