He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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