This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
