Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
