OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We got so high we made milksteak
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The uberlube is also flammable
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
