I'm going to jail i love you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That accounts for only three of the penises
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
