Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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