I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
