So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
