I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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