Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
