Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
