Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
