a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
