They should really pass out barf bags in church
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
