can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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