Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
