At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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