I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
