I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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