Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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