last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
