Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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