My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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