and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
