If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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