i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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