His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
