i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Randomize
