literally had 100 drinks last night.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
