I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
