So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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