On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
