Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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