I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
