So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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