miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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