can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
