she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
