my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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