they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so let's talk penis.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
BRING THE BAGELS
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I love you. Go after that dick
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
