shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize