I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize