I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
