Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
