I'm gonna have a badass scar
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
