I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
