hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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