I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it's great music for shaving your balls
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
