I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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