so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
