Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
