is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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