well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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