:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
