Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
