Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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