This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize