I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
