I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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