I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
