Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
