The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize