Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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