Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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