We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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