I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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