He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
