just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize