you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
organizing the empties. That sober.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize